Introduction
This is not a guide to “moving on” or “getting over it.” Instead, it’s an honest portrayal of what it means to live with the loss of a child. It’s about the messy, complicated truths of grief: joy and anguish living side by side, the hollow silence of regret, and the haunting memories that disrupt even the brightest moments. This is a journey through survival—raw, unfiltered, and deeply human.
Chapter 1: Understanding Grief
Grief is not linear. It’s not a journey you plan for or move through in predictable steps. One day you may feel stable; the next, the weight of the loss may crash over you like a tidal wave. Grief is not just emotional—it’s physical, too. The tightness in your chest, the restlessness at night, the tears that won’t stop. Let yourself feel everything: the sorrow, the anger, the guilt, and even the numbness.
Personal Experience
“No, I don’t know how to sit in ‘it’ll be OK.’ No, there is no grandiose way of saying ‘you’ll be OK.’ Just survival. I’m sure I’m not the only one who has laid in the middle of the bed, prayed to God to stop my heart, and in the next breath cursed Him for not fixing it. This isn’t about moving on—it’s about facing the truth that grief never leaves; it just changes.” “At night, when it’s dark and all you hear is your breath and the clock in the corner, the weight of everything settles in. The radio stays on—not because of music but because the noise keeps the thoughts at bay. And still, you wonder why your heart keeps beating. Why didn’t the doctors fix it? Why give hope when there was none? These questions run endlessly, and there’s no escape from their grip.”
• Reflection: What emotions have been the hardest for you to name or accept?
• Prayer:
Dear God, I don’t ask for a way out of my grief, but for the strength to live with it. Show me how to honor my pain and still find moments of light. Amen.